el 8 de agosto del 2018

every once in a while, life comes running at you

and you get this funny feeling that you knew it was coming.

that's how i felt when i finally got my mission call.

it was a feeling that i didn't realize i was missing, but

one, that as soon as i felt it, knew i was looking for all along.

i was one of those people that didn't do research about my mission before setting off for the mtc.

i didn't even ask questions about what the mtc would be like. 

i decided to just go along for the ride, and let it take me where it would.

fast forward through the rollercoaster that was the mtc, 

and the first couple of weeks of my first "cambio" (or exchange) with my companion.

(for those of you who don't know, a mission is divided into sections, called exchanges,

usually six weeks long. every mission calls them something different, but 

being spanish-speaking, we called them cambios.)

my companion and i had had great success finding people to teach 

and helping people come unto christ. 

but i felt like we were lacking on something i felt like we, as missionaries,

should be taking a bigger effort to do: service for those in our area.

so we set off to an appointment one day, without really thinking too much about it.

andy, my precious andy, wasn't home, so we decided to spend some time

 meeting a few new people in the surrounding area.

we ended up behind a school not far from andy's home,

and i felt prompted to knock on a giant red door.

it was the only one on the whole street i felt like we should knock, too.

when i did, guess whose big, adorable black eyes answered the door?

andy.

andy had gone over to his grandma's house after school 

because she had been sick the last couple of days.

he would spend the afternoon in her company, 

before it got too dark and he couldn't make it back home safely.

when we got there, we spent some time with andy,

but something wasn't right. 

we felt the need to talk with andy's grandma and help her in her need.

as sister missionaries, we could only pray and ask in faith

that she would be healed, but there was something more we could do:

serve.

andy's grandma made a small comment about not being able to offer water

because all the cups and other possible cups were dirty.

that day was the day i learned the word traste,

the word the nicaraguans use to describe the dishes in general.

my companion and i spent an hour washing all of her dishes and putting them away with andy.

when we were done, she offered to make us jugo or refresco

but by then, we felt like our work there was done.

we excused ourselves, and went on our way.

little did i know, that andy's grandma was a less active member

and that andy had been begging her for months to come to church

(ever since he started taking the lessons, really).

the next sunday, guess who was sitting next to andy at church:

grandma.

in the remaining months i was there in loma linda,

grandma's health came and went. 

but andy never failed to come with grandma to church.

there are many times in my life, that i wonder what it would be like to go back to nicaragua

now that i have lived on my own again for two years.

a lot of things have changed, and a lot of things have not.

people would still view me as fachenta, or rich, because of my white female status.

i often dream though of yelling buenas over crude fences and doors of zinc.

of the smiles and cries and abrazos that would be inevitable when they recognized me.

i can't decided if i would want a party or just a few minutes at each home to catch up, pay my respects, and move on.

there really is no other way around it:

soy nica y nada me va a cambiar.

el 11 de julio

alrighty my friends. the last saga has begun.

to tell you the honest truth, dying sucks. everyone goes super trunky on you and then everyone asks what you are going to do to help them remember you... ummm. meet me up on facebook friends! i'll be there on friday.

i love you all. thank you all for your support and your letters, your emails, and everything in between. it really has made it all possible.

note about the picture of the four sisters in the back of a pickup truck. these are celeste, her mom, hermana estelvina; kiara and jaqueline (counterclockwise). hermana estelvina's husband, luis, gave us a ride back to the house on friday night because the whole world was a little giddy about a memorial march from managua to masaya. we decided it was safer to use a member's good offer than a taxi that night... 

my favorite person of the week is andy. a couple of weeks ago i sent a letter to a few of my converts, letting them know how much i love them and that this sunday would be my last here in nicaragua. andy and his mom came to say goodbye yesterday, and it was so tender to see him. my joy was full to see him and his mother sitting on the bench in the chapel. there really are no words to describe the joy that it gives me to hear that they go to church every sunday. margarita is still a single mother, since her husband moved out shortly after andy was baptized, and sister gomez and i supposedly really touched her heart. we had a good time playing the piano and sharing some memories. andy asked me if i still had all the pictures, and i proudly said yes. all my love for him. the gospel changed their lives.

today i finished reading doctrine and covenants, a goal that i really had to work for! but i read something that really touched me in the first official declaration of the church. it was something that wilford woodruff declared in 1890 in response to some bad comments were made about the church's polgamy practices. but it applies to all things that the prophet and other church leaders give to us:

::It matters not who lives or who dies, or who is called to lead this Church, they have got to lead it by the inspiration of Almighty God. If they do not do it that way, they cannot do it at all.::

there is a sister in our ward who really has touched my heart. hermana marlene is an older woman, who reminds me a lot of my grandmother graves. she even looks a little like her. ;) she has a very tender and growing testimony of the gospel and is the optime of a sister who is striving hard to be strong in a world full of everything wrong. she and her husband have had some difficult times spiritually lately, but we spent sometime with her this week sharing about the gospel and the church, and all the great programs that we have to help the members stay active and busy, even when they have been members for years... but the most tender part was a card she made for me and my companion. she worked hours, meticulously working on it, and poured her heart into a beautiful note. she's a gem, really. 

the biggest challenge this week was finding the balance of saying goodbye and working hard until the end. we took a coke break on wednesday and timed it just right that the coke guy came while we were there. he is a real jokester and ended up drinking a pepsi, while dressed to work for the coca cola... o what a cheester.

this week i learned that love and joy really are intertwined. there is no greater joy in seeing your investigators progress, no great joy in seeing them understand a principle personally in their life. there really is no greater love in crying and being sad when they decide not to listen to you one day, or they close the door. but love is still the same that it was forty years ago, four hundred, or four thousand years ago. 

john 3:16

::For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.::

everlasting life, that is what we as missionaries preach. an everlasting life with our savior and redeemer, jesus christ.

the thing that i will miss most about the mission is the constant ability to say the right thing because the spirit is always there to tell you what to say. there isn't a day that goes by that words don't come out of my mouth that i don't see help someone do something different with their lives. it's obviously not something that i boast about, but something that i can see happen. missionaries really do become the lord's mouthpieces, a chosen vessel to say the words the people need to hear to repent and come unto christ. 

let us all go up to zion, and establish her foundations, and bring the four corners of the earth to the mountian of the lord.

hermana graves

el 04 de julio

first of all... happy fourth of july....!

it may not be a big thing for the nicaraguans, but i can still celebrate my country's liberty.

i am winding down, and things in the mission are still picking up steam. i am so glad to see how much the ward here really has grown since i got here. yesterday we had a lot of less actives in church and the members really helped us out with our investigators. they were the main reason we even had investigators, and ones that are going to progress towards a baptismal date this month. i am trying to stay focused on helping my companion grow up a little. she is going to have a to teach the area to a new companion, something that she has never done, so we are going over how to keep better track of information and directions and all that kind of stuff. 

this week my favorite people is a family that we met this week. brenda and armando live next door to a referral that we received from some other neighbors. we had sat down with the referraled investigator and had a rather spiritual lesson. i didn't really notice, but armando had come out of his room and sat outside and listened to the majority of the lesson. at one point, a wandering drunk had tried to interrupt but he shut him out, saying that he was "listening to the word of god." props. well, we did a rather interesting thing, and placed a date with brenda and armando and said that we were going to pass by later in the week with a friend of theirs from the neighorhood who is a member. great. check. the member nor they were available when we passed by their home to share with them, and so we lost a little bit of contact until sunday morning. we passed by to verify about coming to church and they were all happy go lucky, sure!! we came by later to pick them up and they said that they were going to come with their landlord and they would meet us there. alrighty. sometimes i have the tendency to not believe people when they say that they will show up to church because it's very rare to find a nica who will actually follow through with that verbal commitment, but while singing the sacrament hymn, guess who walked in.... brenda and armando. YES!!!!! 

this week i have been reading through the final chapters of doctrine and covenants; this is the farthest i have ever gotten into it, and it's enchanting to find all the new knowledge at every new verse. this week i reached the part in history when joseph smith is placed in carthage jail. sections 121, 122, and 123 are his writings about his experience there, and the prayers and consolation that he received there. section 122 is a revelation about trials and tribulations that the lord gave to him while in the midst of it all... verses one through four give joseph hope that all will come through at the end

::The ends of the earth shall inquire after thy name, and fools shall have thee in derision, and hell shall rage against thee; While the pure in heart, and the wise, and the noble, and the virtuous, shall seek counsel, and authority, and blessings constantly from under thy hand. And thy people shall never be turned against thee by the testimony of traitors. And although their influence shall cast thee into trouble, and into bars and walls, thou shalt be had in honor; and but for a small moment and thy voice shall be more terrible in the midst of thine enemies than the fierce lion, because of thy righteousness; and thy God shall stand by thee forever and ever.::

then the lord teaches jospeh a lesson in verses five through eight

::If thou art called to pass through tribulation; if thou art in perils among false brethren; if thou art in perils among robbers; if thou art in perils by land or by sea; If thou art accused with all manner of false accusations; if thine enemies fall upon thee; if they tear thee from the society of thy father and mother and brethren and sisters;and if with a drawn sword thine enemies tear thee from the bosom of thy wife, and of thine offspring, and thine elder son, although but six years of age, shall cling to thy garments, and shall say, My father, my father, why can’t you stay with us?O, my father, what are the men going todo with you? and if then he shall be thrust from thee by the sword, and thou be dragged to prison, and thine enemies prowl around thee like wolves for the blood of the lamb; And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?::

all things are given for thy good. this is my most precious mercy.

this week we really decided to go to work. obviously it didn't all work out as planned, but it did work out one way or the other. we tried really hard to focus on helping our investigators progress, or receive the restored gospel and their own answer about the restoration. we had a neat experience with maria and raymond when we presented the video the restoration. raymond has a little bit of autism in him and he has a very attute mind. careful what you promise, or he will follow through. while watching the video he asked all the right questions, but when we asked him if he was going to church this sunday to prepare for baptism he said something along the lines of "we are going to be busy," not even really sure that they were going to be busy. cute kid.

what will i remember and take with me from my mission....

    honestly, there are lots of things that i will take from my mission. a stronger testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel. a stronger testimony of the amazing power that the atonement has to save us all. but something that i have seen is this. the faces and the names are all different, but the situations that we bring to church are the same as in whichever other ward or branch in the world. there are poor, rich, fat, skinny, pregnant, widowed, recently married, recently divorced people wherever you go. i think the gospel truly is the only thing in this world that truly is one size fits all. 

::if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father! And now, if your joy will be great with one soul that you have brought unto me into the kingdom of my Father, how great will be your joy if you should bring many souls unto me! Behold, you have my gospel before you, and my rock, and my salvation.:: doctrine and covenants 18:15-17

enduring to the end

hermana graves

ps. a picture from hermana vasquez, elany, and daniela.

el 27 de junio

these are the promised pictures from last week. sorry there are two options for cybers, and one doesn't like to read my camera's memory card.

first, the picture of my two zone leaders. as prescribed in the missionary handbook our zone leaders come and do divisions with us every couple of weeks. small zone, the shorter the cycle in between visits. this time, we went and visited celeste, a recent convert, and we had planned to read the book of mormon with her. now let's think. we are in nicaragua. the nicaraguans speak spanish. and the latin missionaries learn english, and are encouraged to read the book of mormon allowed. so one elder pulls out his english book of mormon, and while we took turns reading, he followed along in english the best he could... it was quite the show, really.

the next two are pictures from cutting down mamones. they are a sour fruit, about the texture of a soft grape. you open the carcuss and then put the whole pinkish/orange seed in your month. you peel away the meaty, juicy part and spit out the seed. yummm... we helped a couple of converts cut them down with huge bamboo stick with a hook on the end. fun!

the last one is a crazy picture of my companion. she fell asleep on the chair, and so she got a picture taken of. fair game.

lots of love

hermana graves

her letter for this week

my favorite scripture this week was something that as a little hard to swallow actually. in this point, the missouri saints are suffering great tribulations from the government and the leadership had traveled to kirkland to inquire of the prophet what the lord would have them do. joseph received these words in response, and they are a level five machete for obedience....

doctrine and covenants 101:2-9

I, the Lord, have suffered the affliction to come upon them, where with they have been afflicted, in consequence of their transgressions; Yet I will own them, and they shall be mine in that day when I shall come to make up my jewels. Therefore, they must needs be chastened and tried, even as Abraham, who was commanded to offer up his only son. For all those who will not endure chastening, but deny me, cannot be sanctified. Behold, I say unto you, there were jarrings, and contentions, and envyings, and strifes, and lustful and covetous desires among them; therefore by these things they polluted their inheritances. They were slow to hearken unto the voice of the Lord their God; therefore, the Lord their God is slow to hearken unto their prayers, to answer them in the day of their trouble. In the day of their peace they esteemed lightly my counsel; but, in the day of their trouble, of necessity they feel after me. Verily I say unto you, notwithstanding their sins, my bowels are filled with compassion towards them. I will not utterly cast them off; and in the day of wrath I will remember mercy.

i am absolutely in love with hermana paola. every once in a while, as a missionary you reach the need of change in your diet. having changes every three months would be great; a new lunch appointment, new contacts. but since i have been here for four months, and i only have three weeks left... there weren't a lot of options. because we moved houses, we had to find a lunch appointment a little bit closer to the house, and we found a sister willing to do so. paola cooked for the missionaries before, and is sent from heaven. i eat the whole plate every day. there goes the ten pounds i lost since coming here! this plate was probably my favorite, because it reminded me of my mom's potato cheese soup. almost exactly on the nail!

these week was a little temper mental the weather, and i was able to capture the sky before the heavens opened up and it started to pour!

proof for mom and aunt stephanie that i learned how to put my hair up nice. look how light it's gotten too! (ps steph, i will need a layer trim when i get back!)

the worst part about dying as a missionary is your last zone meeting. you get to share your testimony for the last time, and you then get picked on the whole...zone...meeting. since i am one of the two sisters in the zone, the elders took their fair swing at all the bad "dying" jokes that you can think of. they made a nice little tomb for me and everything. i also included a picture of the last district... hermana vasquez and i, elder lopez and elder carbajal (zone leaders), elder patzan and elder coc (la borgona). 

the last pictures of little sophia. in each area, i have met a little sophia that has become close to my heart. this little sophia is the granddaughter of my old lunch appointment who is very close to my heart. sophia's mom, juli, is about three years younger than i am, and has become a closer friend. sophia has a fascination with my plaque, and just my plaque!, so we had to take a memorial picture.

sunday we had a sacrament meeting talking about the importance of keeping the sabbath day holy. as missionaries, you get really good a listening and doodling at the same time, so i included yesterday's doodle as well. 

with all my love,

hermana graves

el 20 de junio

i am going to apologize for the lack of pictures. we chose another cyber today instead of the chapel because i have my final interview. (for all you missionary friends, you know what's going on. and for those of you who don't, it's probably better.)

this week was actually full of nightmares that a missionary has. not being able to work in their area, fallen baptismal dates, the works. but let's start with the very beginning....

monday: we moved houses. we wrote really late. and we had to stay up late to organize the house and get it into a sleepable state.

tuesday: get up and organize the house so that we could study. breakfast was limited because we hadn't been able to buy anything to eat. not living in a pulperia really stinks... the zone leaders surprised us with divisions and so we got to work with them. all work and not too many results. but we were able to meet with our "bishop" and organize our work with theirs to retain our converts, help the ward progress. that night, at 10:30, exactly at bedtime, the hermana training leaders called and asked us to come and work with them the next day.

wednesday: five fifteen am, get up and get out the door before the six thirty alarm. we worked with the hermana leaders in their area, and it was kind of interesting to work in a trio again. it's not something i enjoy because there is always a third wheel in the situation, no matter how hard to try not to. we enjoyed chatting about the mission from the viewpoint of a veteran, a leader and a newbie. o how the tables have turned.

thursday: was seminormal. get up, get back to the house and attempt to think straight. by this time, i was exhausted and i didn't have a lot of patience for anything out of the ordinary. we found some new investigators, and had a really neat experience. macelino, our only progressing investigator, lives with his sister and their father. macelino sr had a raging temperature and his sister had asked us to pray for him earlier in the week. we went in on thursday with the intent to help him spiritually and maybe physically so we taught the family the word of wisdom. word came out that macelino sr has a renal infection which is causing the major fever. a commitment to stop drinking coffee was well placed, and a commitment to be baptized. he said he'd pray.

friday: we were out of the house all day, working and verifying and finding, and working. all was normal.

saturday: is always crazy and we spent all day getting ready for sunday. the primary song has a new meaning guys. 

sunday: long day. one in church, but he's a little miracle. go macelino go. i just hope that this week never repeats.

i love you all. this week was rough, and i am sorry if it's a little downer. 

doctrine and covenants 90:24

hermana graves

el 13 de junio

a new haircut for hermana vasquez, courtesy of hermana estelvina... she's a little stubborn and you have to do as she says, or you loose your head.

this is the after effects of walking in a pair of shoes for the first time after washing them... they stain through your socks and stain your feet! all afternoon in wet shoes and then all day too, there wasn't a lot of options... but it's all part of the adventure!

greatest success.. i made it through one of the first goodbyes without bawling my eyes out. every three months we reunite as several zones (groups of pairs of missionaries, for those that don't speak missionary.) and we have a conference. with president and sister russell finishing their mission at the end of this month, they went big. it was fun, but it was kind of bittersweet. hermana russell shared a beautiful testimony of the book of mormon and president russell helped me reanimate myself. i have recently gone a little trunky, almost finishing your mission does that to you, but i have recommited myself to work until the last day. no regrets.

i have really had a hard time thinking about the vision of my work here. starting this week, i will be preparing investigators for baptisms that i will not even be in the country for. but it's not an excuse, and i really need your prayers to help me stay focused until the end. 

this week, we had a neat experience with a new investigator, macelino. he was a referral from his neighbor who didn't want anything to do with us, who had originally refered us to his sister, reyna. reyna of course passed the referral over to her brother, who was a little occupied but took a moment to talk with us. he was a little hestitant to come to church yesterday, but he completed his commitment and came! all his rumbly tumblies stopped and was able to really enjoy church.

my favorite person this week is hermana pastora. she always tries to put a smile on our faces, especially when it's raining, ie almost every day. this last week she was really stressed about her daughter, was going into labor. it was great to have the opportunity to serve her on thursday night and make dinner. gallo pinto, plantains, and eggs. a delicious nica dinner!

a favorite scripture of hermana vasquez alma 31:35

::Behold, O Lord, their souls are precious, and many of them are our brethren; therefore, give unto us, O Lord, power and wisdom that we may bring these, our brethren, again unto thee.::

one of the most important things that i have learned in my mission is that you cannot leave the church. it is a scary world out there, and when you live the gospel standards, you live on a higher plane. you aren't in the middle of the all the hustle and bustle of the world. but when you leave the ol' ship zion like elder ballard said, you enter a sea of darkness, turbulent and destructive and it's hard to return. so, it's better not to leave.

my favorite thing about serving in nicaragua is that there is never a dull moment. rarely does a day go by when you don't think the words, :what are we to do with this one?: it just really doesn't happen. something normal, doesn't play out. a baptismal possibility falls after five weeks of teaching thirty minutes after the baptismal service was supposed to start. but then come the miracles, and that's the most beautiful part. an investigator finds you and tells you that she knows that joseph smith was a prophet and that the book of mormon is true, and you just have to take a step back and humble yourself first.

my testimony of the reality of a god has been strengthened so much. if there was not a god, i would not be here, living, writing this letter. i would have been hurt, robbed, or worse a long time ago. but the promises that the lord makes to his missionaries are true. there really is a divine company that is at our side. my testimony is small, but i have seen how my little testimony really has allowed god's children to make changes in their lives. this is no time for the preparations, the seeding. this is the time of the harvest, and i really have seen how many we can really bring to god and how white the field still is for future generations.

i would encourage all young women to seriously think about serving a mission. pray, and read the book of mormon with the question in front of you at every moment, ::should i go on a mission?::  the lord will answer your question. pay attention to what your young women leaders say and the advice that your parents have. there will be something that they say that will be "your answer". i will tell you that it is not for the weak of heart, and surely not for the weak of stomach. the mission is beautiful, but in order to be extraordinarily beautiful it has to have it's dark moments. i know that the lord will support and guide every willing hand in the harvest. like it says in doctrine and covenants four, Therefore, if ye have desires to serve God ye are called to the work. put your shoulder to the wheel, and push along.

love you all,

hermana graves 

el 6 de junio

let's just be real here. we started june. that means there are less than six weeks until i will be home. calming down now...

this week was actually really smooth. tuesday we got the news that sister vasquez and i will be together another change, ie sister vasquez will have the honor of killing the tennessee hermana. about half of my missionary friends finished their missions on wednesday, and it was a huge eye opener that i will a part of the next group. ten american and three latin elders and then four sisters will be the grand going away part on the thirteenth of july... can you believe it will be here so soon?!

thursday and friday were kind of fun because we went out in a trio with some laurels. here in the mission, the sisters have to be eighteen years old to go out on splits with the sister missionaries, but we are allowed to go out and visit with the laurels if we got out in three. it was interesting to see how the home of a teenager opens up when you walk in with someone they know. i think it's less threatening. but we had good experiences, and one actually went to church with us this weekend, so go friendshipping!

saturday was kind of a day full of miracles. we went out to visit an investigator that we had let pass from tuesday to saturday without a visit. (here, we usually don't let an investigator who is progressing go two days without at least a phone call.) with the rains that have been nonstop since monday evening, it's been difficult to make it all the way out where to her. but we found her and her coworker in a good place. marta and wilber had gone a whole week without drinking coffee, but friday afternoon a friend came over and asked marta to make a pot for all. they partook, and friday night couldn't sleep until one am, and woke up at three am. it's kind of fun sometimes to see how God chastizes the wicked. but He has also been working some miracles in their lives the last couple of weeks, too. a steady job for wilber, and some help in some property issues for marta. god is good, that's all i am going to say. 

this week, i took the chance one morning to study about the atonement and repentance. something that i came to recognize is this:

repentance is not an :all-at-once: type of change. it's a process that requires our effort and our faith that hte Lord will use His mercy to forgive us. when we truly understand the Atonement of our Lord and Savior, we understand the amazing price at which repentance comes. Christ bled from every pore. He suffered hours of torture in order to more perfectly know how to succor the children of God. the only thing that impeads us from escaping, leaving, our garden of gethsemane is understanding and recognizing that someone before you already has suffered there.

alma 7:11-14

then, we got to explain to several investigators just exactly how it is that man can receive wisdom from god, and it came out something like this:

our father in heaven knows you. he loves you and wants you to have success. there is no greater joy than to see his sons and daughters acting and preparing for an eternal life with him. for that reason, he sent his son, so that it all could be remotely possible. the atonement is a bleach for all our scarlet sins. all may be removed, forgotten, overcome. as we search daily to come closer to god, we can receive guidance from on high to know what we should do. answers to prayesr will come with more frecuency. impressions from the spirit will come with great power and you will know that what you are doing is or is not pleasing to our god.

isaiah 1:18

this week, we probably walked at least forty miles. all on foot too, because the buses here don't help us too much. good old feet, and some sturdy shoes!

because of aforementioned rain, every little ray of sunshine has to be taken advantage of, or your clothes don't get dry. i took advantage of some early morning sunshine to wash some clothes and a towel that badly needed to be washed, but the rain soon moved in and i forgot about said towel... these are the results...

lots of love, with a crazy picture from the compa!

hermana graves